What I would want my kids to know

Yesterday I wrote about a post I made soon after my divorce, when I learned that my ex-husband’s new girlfriend had manipulated him into spending our kids’ college savings on a new house that she then refused to take any financial responsibility for. (That’s based on his account to me, and his admission that he had compromised the childrens’ college fund during this deal.)

I was persuaded to take the post down after he got lawyers involved (yet another type of abuse he loves, legal abuse, hand in hand with financial abuse).

My (then) lawyer asked me, “Do you want your kids to see that?”

I guess the answer was supposed to be, “no.”

And at the time, it maybe was the answer. But since then, my ex has built a house of lies that at least one of my kids believes (the other has more sense and discernment; plus, as the scapegoat child of my narcissistic ex, he sees a bit more of the reality of what my ex, is, instead of the person he tries to present to the world.

But now I’m in the position of thinking, what would I want my kids to know?

I would want them to know, that I was in love. Silly, crazy, loopy love. Love that couldn’t see anything wrong for the longest time. Love that would not see the abuse, that glossed over the abuse, that denied the emotional and psychological scarring, that made excuses and justified his behavior, like most abused partners do.

I would want them to know that at the same time I was in love with him, the narcissist, he had quickly tired of me, and I was at a loss to explain it. From telling me I was his best friend sometime around 2005, to refusing to talk about anything related to his day and saying , circa 2007 “You don’t know anything about me. You don’t know me at all,” (and in the years that followed, saying it repeatedly), it was a really short time span, all things considered.

I still find myself trying to figure out where I went wrong. But where I went wrong, guys, and I hate saying this like anything, was that I committed the ultimate sin for the wife of a narcissist.

I had you.

You guys are my life, my heart. When you came along, I was all in. I knew I would give my life for you. I wanted to spend time with you, take pictures of you, watch you learn and grow, see you discover the world. I wanted to soak it all in. I wanted to take you on hikes, and to the zoo, and the park, and just in the back yard to enjoy the planes flying overhead. And I did.

He was jealous. Note the date above, when he first threw in my face, “You don’t know me.” Charlie, you’ll notice that was the year you were born. He was jealous. Of you. Of the fact that you took my attention away from him. I promise you, he still is. He has made a concerted, relentless effort, both before and after the divorce to destroy my relationship with you, because he was jealous. OF YOU.

It’s not your fault; he’s a narcissist. If you need to blame someone, blame his parents, who failed to raise him with empathy and compassion. Blame him, for not realizing his destructive personality and getting help.

But I want you to know this, not because I want you to dislike him … I want you to know this because I want you to be on guard against his attempts to destroy our relationship.

I want you to know some more things:

I’m still recovering from the emotional, verbal and psychological abuse. I’m still experiencing the financial and legal abuse. Your dad doesn’t love very well, but he hates like a pro.
It’s because of your dad, and his refusal to comply with the laws on the books of the state of Arkansas regarding child support, that I can’t afford many of the things that he, and you, have criticized me for not buying: a new car for you. New clothes for the beginning of the school year.
It’s also because of the threat of financial/legal abuse: when there’s any hint that I might be making money from my business, he threatens to come after ME for child support.
Your (now) step mom did a big con artist move at the beginning of the relationship. I don’t know all the details, but it resulted in him compromising your futures by spending what should have been your college savings, on the house. She chose the house. He paid for the house, is still paying for it. She made sure that she wasn’t financially responsible for any of this, and even broke up with him to ensure that.
She’s perfectly capable of being a con artist again should the occasion arise … say, if he were to dare to divorce her and thus threaten the gold mine that she married.
I have never had access to any college savings, or, indeed, knowledge of such.
When I was married to your dad, he refused to let me see bank statements, bank receipts, or to have a checkbook for the checking account until about a year before we divorced. That was after banking apps came along, where he could daily monitor the bank balance. Up until that time I had a credit card, which he monitored and criticized, making me terrified to spend anything unless it was absolutely necessary.
I have no doubt, having now run the numbers, that he was planning for a divorce and had money hidden away; that’s likely the reason he didn’t want me having access to the bank accounts.
He asked for a divorce four months before I did. He asked for a divorce via email.
He admitted to involving the two of you, telling you that mom and dad were having problems and would likely be getting a divorce. HE DID ALL OF THIS BEFORE SPEAKING TO ME. I knew nothing of it until I got the aforementioned email.
I tried to keep us together. I suffered for four months, during which time he got more and more cruel and demanding.
And, finally, all of this is because: He’s a narcissist. He doesn’t have any clue how to have real relationships. I should have realized it sooner, gotten you guys out, asked for primary custody, kept you away from him. Now he’s turning you, Charlie, into the golden child, running the risk that you will become a narcissist in your turn and find yourself in exactly the same position he’s in some day. And Nate, you’re the scapegoat, the one who doesn’t conform to his demands, so you get all the bile and anger piled on you. It’s not fair to either of you, and it’s going to affect your future life and relationships. I will do, am doing, what I can to mitigate it, but you would be well advised to seek therapy on into adulthood.

Abused

A few years ago I wrote a post addressed to the new girlfriend of my ex-husband. The occasion for writing the post was after he had admitted that he had used up our kids’ college fund to make a downpayment on a house that she insisted that they buy “together,” then backed out of the deal, leaving him (and his bank account) bereft.

After that he was pretty nice to me and his kids for a while, then she came back to him. Then he turned into an asshole again. And, he has been an asshole ever since. The post I wrote was in outrage that she would do all the aforementioned things, then just waltz back into the picture as if it were perfectly normal to ruin the future of my kids, then pop out for a quick breather, then pop back in and act like she was just a normal, non-sociopathic person who would one day become their new mom.

You can tell I’m still a little pissed. They somehow read the post (they unabashedly stalk me), they complained to their lawyer, who complained to my lawyer, who said I should take it down.

I took it down.

Since then, lots of things have happened. None of them have supported the taking down of the post. Like many things my (of course former!) lawyer told me, this was probably the worst move I could have made.

In spite of me taking down the post, for instance, or maybe because of it, my ex lied to my kids, telling them that I had admitted to spending their college money in said post. As if I had ever had access to any money!

So here it is. I’m publishing this. I’m not going to blow it up, make it public, but it’s here. Things you should know. Things my kids should know. Things I should have known. Things women should know.

Love Bombing. That’s when a narcissist just throws attention and things at you to hook you in. I should have known that, but I didn’t. When we first met, we saw each other every night. He said all the right things. He bought me a car. A car! I had been living hand to mouth all my life, now I had a car, just like that!

It all changed so fast after I said “I do.”

Narcissism. Everything was about him. The first time I got pregnant, I had a miscarriage. I was lying on the sofa, weak with grief and blood loss, and he marched in to tell me just exaclty how much he was suffereing. That’s when I got up in spite of the blood loss, drove off to the Ouachita National Forest, and lost myself for the day. I didn’t even care if I came back.

Emotional Abuse. I not only didn’t get affection, I was made to feel I was not worthy of affection. I was made to feel not worthy of anything. Like I was damn lucky he put up with me. The fucking pizza stone was more important than me. When the pizza stone broke, he was upset. If I got hurt, so what?

Psychological Abuse. Mind games. Gaslighting. I was told that I said things that I never said. Those things were held against me. I was made to doubt my own recollection of events. I was made to doubt my memory, my intelligence, my reliability. I was treated as if I was crazy.

Verbal Abuse. Nope, not just yelling. Yelling and yelling and yelling and yelling and not stopping. Following me around the house, while I tried to quiet him because the kids were asleep, still yelling. No matter where I went, in my own house, still yelling. Standing over me in a threatening way, so that I was just waiting for the blow to fall but it didn’t. The yelling is it. The yelling is enough. I was destroyed. Before the kids came along I felt free to just hop in the car and drive, get away from it. After the kids came along, I felt like I had to stay with them. What was I afraid of? I still ask myself that.

Financial Abuse. So why didn’t I leave? The bank account was in his name. I had been persuaded to leave my job and be a stay at home mom. I had no consistent income. I had very little money of your own, certainly not enough to live on. And what I did make, I spent on him, in a desperate attempt to be relevant to him again, to be respected, to be love. I had nothing, no access to anything but a credit card to buy the groceries, which he monitored daily.

ABUSE.

What I wrote there is intentionally brief. There’s no way I could depict the emotional torture, the psychological torture, the despair. In the end, I wanted to die.

I didn’t die.

Instead I discovered myself again. In the end all it took was one hug and kind word from a friend who believed in me. I wanted to live again. I decided to live again. To give myself at least a fighting chance to have the life I deserved. I thought it would be a life on my own. I kind of hoped it would be. The idea of a relationship was so frightening, a dark cloud looming on the horizon. For 13 years, relationship had meant nothing but abuse.

A year later, I met Tom.

It was clear from the beginning that Tom was not, had not been, abusive towards his ex wife. He was kind. In spite of what had passed between them, he was helpful, supportive. There was another way of being in a relationship. There was the potential for being mutually supportive.

Growing up this was the kind of relationship I remembered. Sure, there were frustrations, and disagreements, but not the yelling, the psychological abuse, the lying, the gaslighting, the financial abuse, that I had experienced. The abuse had erased everything I had once known. I had to relearn how normal, loving people behave.

It took me forever to even begin to learn, and I’m grateful for Tom’s patience with me.

When you have been abused, the trauma response is unfailing. It’s your self-protective behavior. You’re always on pins and needles, always cringing, like a dog that was beaten in the past. (Maybe that’s why I love dogs?)

The other day, when I was with Tom at the farmhouse, I was washing the dishes and one of the glass bowls slipped out of my hand and landed in the sink, and it broke. For a second, I felt that devastation wash over me. I knew better, but I couldn’t help it. My first response was to cringe, like that dog. To wait for the blows of words, the accusations, the assault of sound.

Tom came over. I apologized for breaking the bowl. “It’s not the end of the world,” he said, and hugged me. And that was that.

My ex husband is and abuser, in his very nature. He is still trying to hurt me. He’s willing to hurt my children, to assualt them psychologically and emotionally, in order to hurt me.

He’s also a person with criminal tendencies. I cannot tell you the number of times he proposed doing something immoral and illegal at work, because he thought the company could get away with it, and make more money off of it. Nothing is wrong, to him. He doesn’t care who he hurts. He doesn’t care who suffers, as long as he is getting what he wants.

He’s a bully, and he bullies my youngest son especially.

And his wife is a bully, too. She hates me. I can’t honestly blame her. If my husband were perfectly and completely obsessed with his ex-wife, I would probably not number her among my favorite people.

Fortunately my husband is obsessed with me, as he should be, and not with his ex.

My ex, however, obviously cannot stop thinking about me.

And so I take back the message I wrote to his wife all those years ago, and I replace it with this.

Your husband spends every spare bit of energy he has, on ME.

On trying to get revenge on ME.

On hating ME. And hate is a stronger, more visceral, more physcial emotion than love for most people. For him, definitely.

I’m just sad for you. I’m sorry you feel that you’re not worthy enough to have a better person, a better relationship. I pity you, and that’s all I can do. No amount of wealth, no $80k car, no big house, no media room, no pool, is ever going to make up for the fact that he barely looks at you, barely spares any emotional energy at all for you. You’ve chosen to waste your life by joining him in the crusade against me.

You, and your husband, are sad strange little people. And I pity you.

And in my more angry moments, I honestly hope that you finally, one day, realize your worth. I know when you leave him you will probably take the house, the $80k car, what remains of the college fund, the 401k and the bank account. In that respect, you’re smarter than I was, or maybe less desperate. But so what? They’re just things. We, myself, my Tom, my sons, and I, we have love. That’s more valuable that all your crap, and it will last longer.

Hi, Beautiful!

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I want every woman I know to read this!

For the longest time I shied away from photos. I thought of myself as imperfect, unattractive. I hated my nose, my teeth, my hair. Aside from breaking my nose (again) and getting it fixed, nothing about my face has changed. My face is still the same face. My smile is still the same smile. But I look at myself in the mirror and say, “Hi, beautiful!” even on my bad days.

What’s the difference? I learned to celebrate myself. I gave myself permission to be okay with the way I looked.

Do you know how much money is made every year from making us hate the way we look? And how many opportunities are lost because we, as women, have our confidence eroded based SOLELY on the way we look.

I remember going to my first photo conference and thinking, wow, I would love to present at a conference like this some day … BUT! These women are all prettier than me. They probably wouldn’t let me do this.

There was a time when I literally could not even go shopping because I thought I would be judged when I walked in a store.

All that seems ridiculous now. But it sure wasn’t then. And it cost me a lot of time in pursuing my dreams. So for my younger women friends, don’t be like me! Do it! Assume that the world will say yes to you! And if they don’t, then quit thinking you are the one with the deficit, and that you need to change. Make the world change for you.

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Royalty

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When I was pregnant, especially during my second pregnancy, there were two different, warring desires within me. One was to capture, in photographs, this moment, this incredible experience of my growing, nurturing body … knowing this would probably be my last pregnancy.

The other was fear, that if I did go to a photographer they wouldn’t represent me very well. When you’re pregnant, you’re by definition larger than your “usual” figure. Your emotions can be all over the place. Your confidence can suffer too (we all know it shouldn’t, but that doesn’t change the fact that it can).

I’m of a generation that was raised to judge ourselves by the way we look. The second desire, to protect myself from a blow to my self-image — that’s the one that won out. I always told myself, if I could have found a photographer that I completely trusted, I would have done this. Someone who I was 100 percent sure wouldn’t judge me. Someone who “got” me.

I say all that because … I love to do maternity photos. I think pregnancy is such a beautiful thing.

Here’s what I think … I think somewhere way back in history men got jealous of what women’s bodies could do: ACTUALLY MAKE MORE PEOPLE!!! And maybe that’s the reason we started getting such pressure to judge our bodies by this or that societal standard … to see them as objects. Objects of desire, maybe — but nonetheless … objects.

There’s a very particular reason I love this photo: because of the crown. Because the image this creates for me is this little girl being born into power! Into knowing her worth and living into her ability.

I am so grateful that we have finally started to claim our power as women … not only in a physical, practical sense of going for jobs that were once forbidden, getting into elected office and other positions of power. But in the sense of knowing our worth.

Queens! There’s a group of women in Mississippi who call themselves the Sweet Potato Queens. If anyone is counter to the prevailing culture, it’s these women! There are all kinds of pageants in Mississippi and there are “Queens” of all kinds of things, including a pageant that crowns a “Sweet Potato Queen” every year (I actually was friends with a Sweet Potato Queen at Governor’s School — she was quite wonderful).

Anyway the Queen of all the Sweet Potato Queens, plural, is an author named Jill Conner Browne whose first book came out about the time I got really, really homesick for Mississippi, and so I picked up a copy, and I’ve been a fan ever since.

And what she said, in that book that she tells her daughter is, “it’s vitally important that you buy your own crown and declare yourself Queen, and spend the rest of your life living into that.”

Since that book first came out in 1999, a lot has changed. Thankfully, more women are living into their Queen status. And my sincere hope is that all the daughters, all the little girls, know exactly how important they are.

Because I’m the mother of boys, and I believe they deserve women who are strong, confident, and live from a position of power.

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Celebrate the Survivors

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I Support Women

Asked to describe myself in one word, I might say, “survivor.” But what kind of description would that be? I think most of the women I know could describe themselves that way.

Survivors of rape, trauma, sexual assault, sexual harrassment. Survivors of a world that still diminishes our role. Survivors of rude comments or aggression or oppression.

At my age the stories are almost too many to tell. From the guy who implied the job was mine if I just let him come over to my hotel room (when the decision didn’t even lie with him), to the guy whose quick comment on a downtown street implied I might sleep with him for money. From the boss who expected me to make the coffee even though at the time I didn’t drink coffee (and four of the morning shift guys drank tons of it) to the line cook who called me “bitch” instead of using my name, or simply saying something politer (like ma’am, or even, “hey you.”)

The effect of all these things was, many times, to isolate women further. To silence us. To shame us.

I believe every woman in our society is of necessity a survivor, whether she would describe herself that way or not. For this reason I love photographing women. We fight, we push past the glass ceiling, we endure slights and aggressions. And we do it all with grace and beauty. I love to photograph women, because I love to support women. Everything from the headshot that celebrates the new job, to the sensual photos that invigorate the old relationship, women deserve to be celebrated and affirmed.

That’s how I celebrate women … but there are so many ways to celebrate each other:

• Give a genuine compliment about a woman’s ability, worth, intelligence

• Tell another woman how she has inspired you

• Say good things about someone behind their back

• Support women-owned businesses

• Encourage another woman to follow her passion and create something amazing

• Tell another woman “well done” when she receives an honor or accomplishes a goal

Celebrating the gains we make, the goals we accomplish, is something that is difficult for women to do — and something absolutely essential. We should all be so proud. We are survivors.

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Pet of the Month

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Remember How This Feels

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It was a few months after the tornado came through that I photographed the family above.

They were building a new house. Their old one had been almost completely destroyed. It had been a trying time. There had been a lot of uncertainty. There was, of course, fear. But the tragedy also had its gifts … among them a simple appreciation for being alive, together.

We are now, collectively, going through a trying time, a disaster that is both collective and personal. But this time, too, will have its gifts.

“Remember How This Feels” is a documentary project that asks, “What gifts has this era of COVID-19 given to you?”

As you endure social distancing, a new way of doing things, of relating, what have you found that you would like to keep?

If you or someone in your family works from home, has there been a positive side to that?

Who have you learned to appreciate more? Who are you talking with more often? Who are you spending more time with?

This documentary project begins now, and will continue even as we make the shift back to something that looks more like the life we are used to.

The hope is, that we will keep the valuable things that we have found during this time, whether it be a new closeness with someone, more family time, more snuggle time with pets, more time outdoors … whatever your gift has been from this era, I want to celebrate it with a reminder.

Photos will be displayed in a collection/celebration on my website, and, if possible, published in book form.

If you’re interested, sign up below!

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Birthday Boy

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We did a photo session last year for Louis’s third birthday, and the result is proof that studio photos don’t have to be boring.

As I write this, birthday parties are a thing of the past. We don’t know when we will again get to celebrate birthdays with family and friends. So as I was going through my work, it gave me a lot of joy to see these photos, think about the fun we had, and how this artwork is now brightening the home of this family.

Louis is a kid who loves baseball, enjoys being active, and even at three, can be really intense! The favorites from this session were not the “smiley” photos but the photos that showed his personality and determination.

Louis definitely has his eye on the ball!

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What can you do?

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What can you do? What you CAN do!

I hate to admit it, but for the first two weeks of America fighting the COVID-19 virus, I barely noticed.

From a business perspective, I was right where I had always wanted to be. I was finally reaching a wider audience, booking great clients, getting to create beautiful work, and offering a higher level of excellence in my product line. I honestly had so many orders I was considering hiring just to be able to keep up! The new hotel had opened next door to the studio and I was seeing increased traffic every day. I was looking forward to their Grand Opening and to a new level of success.

And let me be the first to say it was hard-won. I have struggled in the three years since my divorce, simply trying to keep my home bills paid. My car broke beyond repair so I found myself with a car payment, insurance, bills that kept mounting. I had finally made a plan to go all out until I was able book a certain number of clients for the month, and I was right on track. Then the bottom fell out.

I still wasn’t paying that much attention, even as the Italian company that makes most of my artwork began to post updates on their social media. Then it hit Seattle, where one of my other two vendor partners has their U.S. base. Still I was complacent. Then it hit Arkansas.

Suddenly everything was canceled, from church, to the pet parade/street fair that was supposed to happen this Sunday, and which, in past years, has been crucial to driving my Spring and early summer revenue.

Like many of my business-owning friends, I found my world upended.

It turns out, having a supportive community all over the world helps. Friends in my photography group, who were already several weeks further into this, had great advice. They got my creative juices flowing and so, below, I’ve come up with a list of things we can all do during this time. Feel free to add your own in the comments and let’s turn this challenge into an opportunity!

• Update your database. In my scramble just to meet basic client needs, I had let this one lapse in past weeks. I collect client contact information for every shoot, but my online database needed updating badly! If you can, include birthdays, special occasions such as anniversaries, and notes about their needs.

• After you’ve done the above, pick a few clients you haven’t touched base with in a while and reach out to them. We’re always meaning to do this, but somehow the urgent gets in the way of the essential, doesn’t it? Do not make this a sales call! This is not the time. Just reach out, find out how they are doing, listen, and offer your support in whatever way possible.

• Start a newsletter. Here’s another thing you probably have been meaning to do with that database whenever you had time! But don’t send the same “Company X COVID-19 Update” email newsletter that we’ve all been ignoring for a week now already! Instead send some good news! Highlight something about one of your clients. Send something funny that will make your clients laugh. Sure, feel free to update your clients on the situation with your business, but also offer them something that will be helpful or uplifting.

• Video meetings. If networking is essential to your business, now is not the time to stop! Video networking is easier than ever before. You can simply set up a one-to-one “virtual coffee” with a business you want to partner with, or you can go big! Right now BNI (Business Networking International) has virtual meetings going on all over the world! You can register as a visitor and meet people you would have never been able to meet before, people who share a strong sense of cooperation and business ethics, who are eager to help fellow business people, and who may have great information (like my little photography community) about how to handle this situation.

• Video social times and events. Zoom doesn’t just have to be for official business meetings. You can just use it to catch up with friends, reach out to your social media circle, and help others.

• Facebook is another great video platform for certain applications. From musicians offering online concerts with virtual tip jars, to public speakers (or aspiring speakers) offering encouraging words, this could be a great time to connect with people you might otherwise never encounter.

• Cards. Then there’s the good, old-fashioned MAIL! Because we are at home now waiting for the mailman to come, I know that I personally am giving more attention to the mail than I have since growing up in the 1980s way out in the country! You can even use a service like SendOutCards to create personalized content that will make people feel great and cheer them on in this difficult time!

• Blog. Isn’t this another thing we are always meaning to do? It will boost your SEO and can be used to keep your network and clients updated. Don’t forget to include a call to action, but think about making it something that has benefits beyond your business. For instance, I started a small business matching program where I match dollar for dollar what people spend locally, on restaurant take-out, gift certificates, retailers’ websites, etc.

• Educate yourself. I subscribe to some amazing online education, but often find myself without a lot of time to participate. Whether it’s BNI University (if you’re a member), Steve Saporito Education (for photographers) or my favorite online SEO course (that really works and isn’t the usual bullshit!) this is a great time to boost your potential by getting some knowledge. No one can take that away from you!

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Mariposa Studio Small Business Matching Program

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I’m thinking about my friends today.

With the outbreak of Covid-19, small businesses are wondering about the future. Especially for relatively new businesses, we may not have had the luxury of putting aside several months worth of operating expenses. We are facing uncertain times and many are wondering how we will make it through them.

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We can all fall together, or we can all rise together.

In an effort to support local businesses and to drive sales, not at my own business, but at the businesses my friends own, I’m implementing a small business matching program.

For every dollar you spend at one of my partner businesses, I will match it dollar for dollar with studio credit, up to the amount of $200.

You can spend the entire $200 at one business, or spread it among several businesses. Message, text or email your receipt and I’ll add the amount to your personal account, to spend in whatever way you want as soon as you are ready!

Visit our Facebook Page daily to see the featured businesses.

Remember that to a local businessperson, you are never just a number or a faceless online order. Large corporations will be getting bailout packages, no fear, but your local businesses face a much more uncertain future! Let’s all do whatever we can to help.

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Links to local small businesses we have featured

While I am NOT limiting the matching program to businesses we have featured, I have highlighted a number of businesses on my page. Here are some links which I will attempt to keep updated as the situation changes.

PHD Argenta Day Spa – the governor has ordered all day spas to close, so go to their gift certificate menu and give yourself something to look forward to when this is all over!

Whit’s End (KonMari consultant) – while we are social distancing, she is providing 30-minute video consultations to help clients who are stuck at home with their clutter!

The Dreamy Spoon – They can still deliver! Buy yourself an Isolation Cake (or pie)

Sherwood Florist and Every Blooming Thing and Maumelle Florist and Every Blooming Thing – They have the largest delivery coverage area in central Arkansas.

Nexus Coffee and Creative – They can do curbside delivery if you are missing your yummy morning coffee and baked goods!

Bella Vita Jewelry – Visit their online store while their downtown Little Rock location is closed. But when this is all over, definitely go see one of the coolest stores in this area!

Argenta Nutrition – They will deliver! Or pick up at their location in North Little Rock. My recommendation is the immune boost. It’s great stuff and we need all the help we can get!

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Contact Me!” button_alignment=”center” _builder_version=”4.0.2″ custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”35px” button_text_color=”#000000″ button_font=”||||||||” button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off”][/et_pb_button][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.0.2″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.0.2″][et_pb_contact_form captcha=”off” email=”mposey@mariposastudiophoto.com” _builder_version=”4.0.2″ custom_padding=”10px||||false|false”][et_pb_contact_field field_id=”Name” field_title=”Name” _builder_version=”3.16″ button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off”][/et_pb_contact_field][et_pb_contact_field field_id=”Email” field_title=”Email Address” field_type=”email” _builder_version=”3.16″ button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off”][/et_pb_contact_field][et_pb_contact_field field_id=”Message” field_title=”Message” field_type=”text” fullwidth_field=”on” _builder_version=”3.16″ button_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_size__hover_enabled=”off” button_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_text_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_width__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_border_radius__hover_enabled=”off” button_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_letter_spacing__hover_enabled=”off” button_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_one_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off” button_two_bg_color__hover_enabled=”off”][/et_pb_contact_field][et_pb_contact_field field_id=”Phone” field_title=”Phone” fullwidth_field=”on” _builder_version=”4.0.2″][/et_pb_contact_field][/et_pb_contact_form][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]